I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it's like iHOP with fire
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize