her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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