I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
