I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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