I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize