I looked at my own cervix.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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