I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
