I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
