tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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