my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
