I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
