Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
