return my video game
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
