I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
