Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
