Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
