im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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