I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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