Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Randomize
