There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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