if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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