I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
