Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
