Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
