I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
