Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
