i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
