Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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