don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
