The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
