What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
