I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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