I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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