I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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