I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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