So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
