I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
