do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
