I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you never un-have a 4some
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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