Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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