why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am available for nakedness
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
