I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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