the room spins SO much faster in panama
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
