Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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