She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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