i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We need a shit load of segways right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
