sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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