He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
