lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
