wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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