just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
