suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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