i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
