I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
