My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
