My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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