why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize