I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
