I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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