I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
