Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
