Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
