thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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