So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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