Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
