oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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