I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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