I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize