Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
