areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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