i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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