problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
