i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
